Passing Days in a Play of Light -
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[&mishas;]
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03:35 pm
[Link] | [1] Ohhhhh, today is the last day for signing up for ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) sga_santa. I don't know if I want to join or not and have been sort of hesitating over it. Every day that we get closer to December 18, though, the more it's kind of hurting because I'll miss my spaceoperatic show and my crazy-haired intrepid space explorer, no lie. It still feels like I've got something left to say before it ends, but I'm still thinking as to whether it's more of a self-indulgent thing or something worth posting publicly.
[2] Also here, reposting a comment!drabble I wrote for my lj buddy, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) emeraldteal: you go, girl, John! INDEED :DDDD
Title: Balm
Rating/Warning: PG-13, is angst
Summary: John takes pleasure in himself (sort-of) :X
A/N: A combination of emeraldteal wanting an episode tag and me feeling achy last week. Also, through a glass darkly.
John has this old knot in his shoulder, an ache along the midline of his trapezius. It crops up from time to time, a myalgia that makes him roll his shoulders to ease it away. But oftentimes it concentrates under his skin, a small center of pain that he can't quite distract himself from. And, fuck, does it make John aware of all the little groans and creaks of his decades-old body, the scars from the control-room explosion pulling at his skin.
So now sometimes, John takes to rubbing in an emollient- he bites his lip in pleasure when he hits the spot- that smells divine, yeah, and feels divine too. He doesn't get to do this too often, the metrosexual your body is your temple thing- doesn't have the time when the city's exploding or his people are taken hostage. But his body's starting to feel the neglect and so help him, a measure of vanity is a healthy thing to have.
That doesn't excuse the fact that he's staring into a mirror while rubbing himself down, though.
He remembers staring into a mirror while McKay was primping himself for Keller, watching McKay watching him. The myriad of reflections and deflections between them had made John want to punch his fist through a wall but- he's always had better control than that. John knows that McKay's oblivious, sure, but John also knows that some small part of McKay is also aware, the way McKay'd been hesitantly scrying for it in that mirror.
John soothes himself by pressing slippery fingers across the achy expanse of his skin, kneading into the muscle enough to let out a faint groan. The spicy scent of it- cajuput oil and menthol- stings at his nose and he pulls his arm back from his shoulderblade, lets his fingers fall to his neck, the chain there running between his slick fingers, the links that feel like moist beads. His dogtags ground him, remind him that his worn-out body has survived a lot and that it's likely to do a lot more surviving in the future.
Maybe McKay doesn't want this body, and that's okay. Maybe it's even more than okay because John's not going to go chasing after him, begging for his body to be cleaved.
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ouch. this is beautiful. ♥
thanks for the kind comment ♥
*points up* What she said. I can see this, and love the premise. That Rodney is aware, no, that he's McKay, not Rodney - that John is beautiful but for once that that is ignored. This image of John to himself. It reminds me of late Medieval chorus-song and stained glass windows. Don't ask, my mind makes weird connections.
my mind makes weird connections
and that is why your sga stuff captivates me- it makes me wonder all sorts of things about you, like where you might've wandered and what makes you light up
funnily enough, i have used the stained glass-john metaphor once before- it was kind of crap, though. but i was learning about abbot suger (SUGAR!) at the time and it made a crazy kind of sense especially with this corny (but lovely!) saying,
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
but i suspect you were referring to the more baroque elements, the ornate mysticism *g*
it makes me wonder all sorts of things about you, like where you might've wandered and what makes you light up
heh. You are not the first to have said that, although perhaps you're the first to say that about my SGA fic. I used to get that a lot about my Potter fic. I do think that was more original than my SGA fic. SGA is the kind of fandom that lends itself to cliche, although delightfully so. My writing's in a bit of flux right now - I myself am trying to figure out what makes me light up these days. *g*
just, yes. so rich and evocative, like John's body is a temple he's worshipping at. dark and secret and sacred. ♥
get a clue, McKay. *hmph*
mmmm, dark, secret, sacred- those are all such delicious words. thank you for the lovely comment ♥
This is fantastic. I wish it was unlocked so I could rec it.
thanks for the compliment! it means a lot coming from a fic writer whom i admire and who is so supportive of others in the fandom, with the way you write meta that reveals all- i've been especially interested in your meta post re. how 'we write for the times'.
also all that deliciously clean narration not to mention the plotty goodness present in your sga fic, the way you write them as BFF that makes me go eeeeeee!
anyways, i'm happy that you liked this enough to want to rec it, not gonna hold you to it if you feel differently now, though *unlocks*
*beams* What lovely things to say. Thanks you. And of course I meant it. I'd already made an entry for myself on delicious, and now I've unlocked it. It's a few entries down over on rec_room.
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/82229143/6268571) | | From: | gaffsie |
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| Date: | 25th October, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC) |
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This is really beautiful. Such a lovely picture of John and how he sees himself.
(found this via delicious btw)
I'm glad you liked it! I certainly enjoyed getting introspective with him. |
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